Epiphanies

Sometimes epiphanies suck. Ya know, those times when clarity comes raging out of the blue, and you recognize the exact moment that you really screwed the pooch on some random, yet undeniably important, aspect of your life. I've had a lot of epiphanies. Most of them sucked. One goal of this blog is to share those moments of clarity, in an effort to impart a modicum of wisdom, and hopefully prevent others from making some of the same stupid, misguided, stubborn mistakes that I made along the broken road.

Be warned. Those who already know me (or think they do) may be a little shocked at some of these revelations, and even more so at the events that led up to them. A lot of you remember me as the smart, outgoing, fat chick from high school. My family knew me as the spoiled baby (accurate), talented (debatable) and the one with great potential. I thought I was smart. I knew I was fat. I had potential. These notions seem a bit more subjective upon reflection and introspection.

I'm still pretty smart. I have a 3.97 GPA. However, even that remains subjective considering, I am in a distance learning environment, almost entirely self-guided in my educational endeavors. It's a lot of work, but sometimes it seems a little too easy. How I will fare in a *traditional-college* environment remains to be seen. Doing homework in my pajamas while juggling laundry and housework and every kid in the neighborhood is not an easy feat, but not a monumentally difficult one either. I plan to transfer to the DeSoto Campus of the University of Mississippi after I receive my AA in psychology. I won't lie. The thought of it scares me to death.

Fat is such an ugly word. Being overweight bothered me back in the day. Never enough to do anything about it, but it bothered me. If I'd known how easy it was to address I would have. It was just easier not to. However, I was fortunate enough to have friends that didn't give a rip, and mostly made me forget about it because they were so great! (You know who you are ;) I made up for being overweight by being nice. Maybe too nice on occasion - a condition that still plagues me to this day. Strangely enough, when I look back at old pictures, I don't seem to be as fat as I thought I was. As I said, reflection is a funny thing.

And then there's the issue of potential. Did I have potential? We all have potential. It's what we do with it that matters. What did I do with mine? Squandered it. Wasted it. Lost it. Youth is wasted on the young...yada, yada, yada. Nonetheless, I am here to tell you that squandered, wasted, lost potential can be regained. It is a slow process that requires patience, effort, determination, perseverance and dedication. But it can be done.